Someday becomes Today

Throughout my life I can't even begin to count all the times I have said, "someday." I am full of them. It is hard to not anticipate the future full of imagination and lots of "somedays". I have so many ambitions and goals and to be honest the easy way out is to say "someday" that way I'm not failing I'm just not trying; which in reality is even worse than failing. It's so scary to put a huge goal on the cutting board and watch it possibly be massacred.

I have had many dreams and goals that I have placed on the table and lo and behold good things happen. I had dreams to move to South America and work in an Orphanage. As I got on the plane I set my goal that I would not come home the same girl, that I would sacrifice all that was needed to take Heavenly Fathers children in my arms and try to give those sweet babies glimpses of His love through mine. I pray that that dream was delivered. I have had little goals delivered as well. For the most part these goals are as small as, in my my morning prayer, praying that I may be a little better and try harder to be something I know is inside, then throughout the day seeing the blessing be delivered that before was just a "someday."

I have also experienced the massacre of a dream as well (more than I would admit to). These are always painful memories that in someways if I dwell too long on they can hinder my courage to pursue in the next round. I can remember running for Exec as a Junior in High School and that being THE most important thing to me at the time and my dream shot down by eight votes.  There also comes the so-called little dreams that I "fail" or fall short at. It is a daily goal of mine to be positive and optimistic in EVERYTHING and then I find myself in enemy territory surrendering my white flag of defeat to the casualties of life and pessimism. When things like this happen its hard not to be discouraged, but as I have watched others I have noticed a trend, the strong and determined people I try to model myself after persevere, they stumble then brush themselves off and keep going. 

But today I choose to turn one of my somedays into "today." The whole reason I chose to become a teacher is because I have faith in humanity. I believe that there is something innately incredible in every young child. My dream is that I can help preserve and influence them to help them recognize the qualities they each possess. Part of my dream is that I have always wanted to write a children's story. Not any old children's story, but a story that hits the heart strings to play a beautiful chord that becomes a melody. There is so much power in the written word and I feel like I want to be part of something bigger than myself, something that even if I fail I will have taken a critical look at myself through humanity. I have said someday for one too many days. Today it began, I started writing it and as this may be a small step, for me it is a whole lot more, it is empowering to set sail on a project that pushes you to think beyond the monotony. Someday becomes TODAY!!

Hakuna Matata

With each new birthday or age I always expect great new things, and these expectations often lead to problems for example....birthday 16! Even as wonderful as it was there is NO WAY that it could have ever lived up to what it was in my dreams. Then there was something magical that was supposed to happen at age 18....yeah I think I missed something there too. Its not that I am pessimistic if anything I am maybe always a little too optimistic and that is where my problem lies.

But right now I am dreading age 21, and the next six months leading up to it. Everything in my world is shifting, and it is all without my permission. The comfortable little life style that I so conveniently have created is falling to shambles. The more I try to stabilize everything the more my problems compound. I feel like I am at cold stone trying to decide what to get and I'm being asked......cone or cup?....what flavor of ice cream?....... oh and what toppings, you can have a million?.... I just want to scream and say "what if I don't even want Ice cream!!!" What I am trying to articulate is that there are so many choices in front of me and yeah, I could lie and try to convince myself and everyone else (read with much sarcasm) that I am so excited for the future I just am so grateful that right now I have no direction and endless possibilities, its just a great feeling. But the truth is these "endless possibilities" have created so much stress. I don't know what I am doing. I graduate from school in less than a year and then what....I be a teacher... we all know teachers are supposed to wear ugly sweaters and be mean and calloused old women (no offense) I don't think I am ready for that yet, and this brings me back to age 21.... one too many people have been asking me if I am going on a mission....let it be known that I DON'T KNOW so LAY OFF!! I have had thoughts swirling in my head for the past few months and unless God is going to sometime soon tell me his thoughts I really don't know. So this brings me to my motto that I have recently adopted:

Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase,

it means no worries for the rest of your days

is my problem free philosophy!

HAKUNA MATATA!!

Dress-ups GALOR

Dress-ups are considered to be something for little girls, with their feather boas and princess sparkles. The month of October provides many opportunities to be "immature" without literally being labeled as "immature" Thus October is one of my favorite months, that I'll choose to celebrate even in my "later years" The evidence:

80's Dance Party

Paint dance party, it took at least three showers to get all the paint out of my hair, but totally worth it.

I think we celebrated Halloween the whole week each day in a different outfit

Neon Dance Party

Halloween in elementary school is BY FAR the best day, here are a some of my reading kids all dressed up for Halloween, they were so excited that their teacher even dressed up, little do they know that I love halloween more than I think they do!

I can say goodbye to October with a smile knowing that next year will come and present exciting new activities that will be enjoyed, to their very fullest!

Sanctuary....Sanctuary...Sanctuary

Being *almost twenty* and "living it up" as most would put it, is extreamley exhausting. I think I do a pretty good job of playing because MaRea is always complaining that I'm sleeping, but I have to sleep sometime if not at night. For goodness sakes I live on a college campus with my best friends, to say the least I get PLENTY of "play mode." But to be honest a lot of the time I get SO sick of it and go to my sanctuary...for many this would be the Temple or in the mountains, or shopping, or on a journey to Mecca, well for me it is often down the road to my sisters house I go. I'm starting to think that I should be paying rent or food fee's because I often have at least one meal or snack there a day. I can tell you most of the happenings in the Tibbitts home - like the Piano is their new purchase, and there is always someone playing it...which often leads to a very annoyed Meghan.....Rachel just lost a tooth and the tooth fairy has yet to arrive....Ryland's excitement for the day is to go to Macy's and get a crocodile alligator egg....oh and catching frogs are the TO DO this summer!

Here is an example of why I love them so much!!!

If there is one thing that I have learned while embracing my time with my little people it is to enjoy the moment but also that being the only boy would be tough to do....as is very well portrayed in this video! All I have to say so Good Luck RY....our prayers will be with you.

(I swear I didn't know that he was trying to get my attention) haha

It's all in the Genes

There have been many moments in my life where a complete stranger will come up to me and say, "Are you a Thatcher?" I always reply, "sure am, which one do you know?" They continue to tell me some story about one of my siblings and something crazy you did. The thing is I can't figure out how they know that I'm a Thatcher, I mean is it how I walk. I sure hope people don't relate my walk to Paul's or Mark's, they're both equally funny, but I don't want it. Or could it be our looks? Nope, not that either because none of us look alike. So there has got to be a sign above my head that screams, "I'm persuasive, loud, won't take NO for an answer, basically DON"T MESS WITH ME, among many other great qualities we posses! I guess there is something very distinct about this clan of ours, and I've got just the story to prove one of the qualities that I know we all posses and that is "Gumption"!

The other night I was at my apartment when Lindsey, one of my roommates, stepped out onto our balcony for some fresh air and was startled by seeing a hand. She proceeded to scream, "OH MY GOSH, I JUST SAW A HAND!" I started laughing and teased her that she was loosing her marbles. My teasing was contagious of course and my favorite comment was made by Natalie, who said sheepishly and with quite a bit of sarcasm, "was it a hand... or was it, ya know, a HAND?" Well in order to calm this disturbed young women we went to check it out.

Two of them set out around the back where the balcony is located. Much to their surprise they did see a man, and once he knew he was spotted he took off. Ann and I wanted in (at this point I still think that this "man" is a figment of their imaginations, but I'm in for an adventure) so Ann and I go the opposite direction to entrap this "man." We are walking around the corner of our neighbor's house and I excitedly tell Ann, "this situation calls for a weapon of some sort I wish I had a gun or even a sling shot." A light-bulb-clicking moment happens for Ann as she excitedly bends down and says, "I know, we've always got rocks." I feel comforted with a half giggle in my gut that escapes a wee bit! Right at that distinct moment a creepy figure darts out from the shadows. Not knowing that there were TWO sets of us in pursuit of him he stopped, we stopped and we just stood there looking at each other. Right then my gumption kicked in FULL bore. I very accusingly say, "excuse me but WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He replied in white- trash language (lots of swear words), "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm hav'n a smoke." I think, "really then where's your cigarette?" I then say, "Where do you live?" He points to our neighbor's house and says "upstairs." At this point I am flabbergasted and say, "Oh really! YOU live upstairs?" He replied indignantly, "no I live in freaking outer space!" I say, "well that would make a whole lot more sense considering that we know everyone that lives upstairs, and you're definitely not one of them." He then has the guts to say, "well if you know them what are their names?" Ann started to spout off their names. I interrupt her and say, "NO, you don't ask the questions buddie we know YOU'RE LYING!" Ann cuts to the chase by asking, "were YOU on our balcony?" He doesn't answer the question at hand. Ann courageously yells, "I have a rock." In my mind I think, yeah she has a rock and then I proceeded to say, "I don't know who you are but if I EVER see you again not only will I call the cops but you'll come close to death!" I threatened him within an inch of his life and continue, "I don't EVER want to see your face around these parts again!" His quick- witted response was "well...you don't ever......." his sentence mumbled into silence and we're staring at each other again. As I literally scream, "LEAVE!!!" He then says, like it was his idea, "I'm just gonna leave." "Yeah ya think?" He sheepishly walks away. Ann being the more logical one at this point says,"Ang what are we doing, we can't just let him get away?" So she begins to dial 9-1-1 (remember it is Logan and a peeping-tom is BIG news).

The cops come while we are in pursuit of him again. One of the cops was Chris Klevin our cousin. We talk with them for a bit and tell him that there are some men behind one of the houses that might have seen him. He tells us that by law he can't go back there. We all look at each other with the same thought, "well the law ain't stoppin' us," so we head behind the house, as the cop yells, "holler if ya need me!" (I think he was pretty amazed at our gumption). The boys didn't know anything (probably because they were drunk themselves). As we walked back to our apartment the adrenalin pumped through my veins about causing them to burst because of the sheer excitement that something so thrilling had just happened. I wanted to relive the whole experience except next time I would have much better threats, the man took me by surprise and didn't let me prepare any real good ones.

The next day at church one of the boys who heard the whole thing through his bedroom window came up to me and said, "Angie, what happened the other night? I heard you hollering' up a storm at someone." I told him the story and he said, "well I would have come out, but it sounded like you pretty much had things under control." To which I replied, "yes Billy nothing to lose sleep over, the situation was HANDLED!"

Well I have become the apartment watch dog. Since THE INCIDENT I have permanently moved my memory-foam mattress out on the balcony which had become my new bedroom. I don't know it it's the hope that he'll come back or if it's the closest thing to living like the Swiss Family Robinson's that is so exciting. Regardless what should be a scary story has become a fun- thrilled memory. As all the girls sit around retelling the story they are always full of praise for the courage and protection that I provided them and I humbly tell them, "Girls, it's all in the Genes."

"Are you smarter than a Fifth Grader"

For the past ten weeks I have returned to elementary school. I was apparently going there to teach when in reality I was learning a whole lot more than expected. I spent five weeks in first grade, and five weeks in fifth. The words "Are you smarter than a fifth grader" often came to mind when they would ask, "where is the prepositional phrase in this sentence?" or "How do I find the surface area of this trapezoid?" or "how do you spell alligator?" My motto became, "well if I can't beat them JOIN em'" Here a few of examples of what I've learned:

1. The reason why I can't spell is because I never learned the rules. Yes there are actual rules to this forsaken language. There is the I before E rule except after C. If it wasn't confusing enough they have like fifty different sounds for each letter, and on top of it all the sounds the letters make depends completely on which letters it is surrounded by. Don't become overwhelmed there is a lot to remember.

2. Fifth grade is full of cool, but pointless facts. For example the largest bird in the world was the Moa it stood 13 feet off the ground. Also Mount St. Helen's packed a punch of what 500 atomic bombs could do. In the beginning of the Civil War people would take their picnic baskets out and watch the battles just for fun.

3. To really truly survive elementary school you need to understand that life is not complete unless your pencil is FLASHY. By this I mean it must have feathers, sparkles, fur, or some sort of animal at the eraser. Some may ask why, but I ask why not? This is applicable to life, make the ordinary unordinary!

4. Having a crush is super important! You all remember how it was! It is the whole reason that red rover was INVENTED!

5. And last but definitely not least, there is nothing, NOTHING that a good smiling contest can't fix when someone is having a bad day!

Today was my last day and it was so incredibly difficult to say goodbye to these kids I have dedicated my heart to, all day everyday for the past few months. Children are the sweetest gift that we have. My favorite part of teaching is watching their eyes when they finally understand something. I have learned they have no walls and unconditionally love, and in return just want to be loved. They give everything they have. Today I walked out with a handful of gifts, I had every thing from, silly erasers, to lip gloss to dozens of drawings, to pretend paper kitty cat holders (don't ask) ha ha. Life is never boring when they are around.

Temorary Insanity

Well in efforts to keep you all updated on my life and because of special requests, here comes another post for ya. LIFE IS GOOD! Attitude is one of THE most powerful things in life. If I sit and think of all the hard, sad things yeah I'll be depressed....but the song "count your many blessings name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done" lately has occupied my mind. I guess what I'm getting to is super painful but at the same time not.

The "boy" as I'm sure you all have called him (lets be honest Brent still doesn't know the names of all Kim's kids) and I called it quites last week. After awhile of dating it always gets to the point where it goes one way or another. I think there are very few things that are more painful than leaving someone important behind, but people do it everyday and survive quite nicely. But I personally don't ever want to do it again. ha ha I have decided that it must be some what like giving birth....wait for it.... you see I'm sure the pain is incredibly taxing, stressful, and excruciating in the moment, and yet for some reason most people have more than one child, the crazy ones have quite a few more than one. People we must not forget the pain! ha ha I'm just kidding, I know the real reason for the sacrifice is the little mutt itself and how cute they are. It seems like the pain resonates for awhile and helps you really get back to your source of strength and then your ready to move on.

With hard times come so many tender mercies for example my favorite one so far.... the night we called it quites it was a Sunday and I went back to mom and dad's house. Naturally in Sunday gathering tradition, Kim and Lee were there. I had of COURSE shed some tears and, Lee being one of the more sensitive people I know said, "Angie listen....your day has been nothing compared to mine, the pain you are feeling is nothing compared to the feeling that has plaged me all day, you see today I got not one but TWO more families to home teach." You may ask, What? a tender mercy? how? In response to Lee's, some what inconsiderate, insensitive comment, I laugh so hard it made me cry (ironic I know) and was just the ticket to feeling better! So thanks Lee for "understanding" and I wish you all the luck with your home teaching assignment.

I guess what I've learned lately is that life is what you make it. I was talking to Dave the other night on the phone and I was telling him how much I hated dating and how painful it was . . . is . . .will be. Dave got a little passionate when I said this and corrected my misconception of dating by saying it's not miserable it's just "temporary insanity." (Not quite sure what that says about Dave himself considering the fact that he didn't get married till he was thirty) Regardless I have decided to adopt this and I don't hate dating, I'm just temporarily insane and enjoying every second of it!

Highs and Lows of the XM SHUFFLE

For Spring Break 2008 me, Tara, and Natalie....literally last minute decided to hop in the car an leave the forsaken land of cache valley! It was a VERY much needed BREAK for all of us. To say the least we just needed to fill our reservoirs, and the only way to do that sometimes is to leave the monotonous, tedious everyday doings.... so CALI here we COME!!! Well like any good road trip it is pretty much all about the music....because lets be honest if you talk the whole way you'll just end up being sick of the person by the end, just ask dad (my younger years I didn't quite comprehend this concept.) We had the music department covered, ipods, CD's and of course the golden calf of road trips...this being the coveted XM radio, which is sure to please all sorts of divers listeners. It is funny how music can express exactly how you feel better than you ever could yourself. Lets just say that for all of you that have seen Tommy Boy and the road trip scene where Tommy and Richard are driving down the freeway sobbing to the Carpenters....pretty perfect vision of us. The shuffle included anything from the mo-tab to any boy band you could possible think of to Fergi, all part of the journey. Well our friend XM has had his day and now I never want to listed to music ever again because after 20 hours I'm all "musiced" out. Looks like I'll be heading over to Kims for another self help book on CD! There is one other thing that I love about road trips and that is looking in the rearveiw mirror and leaving it all behind, getting out on the road and being left in a vast expanse of nothing but your thoughts and maybe and interjecting lyric or two but for the most of the trip your left in the solitude of "you-ness" Well Spring break was a blast and among the tears, fears, uncontrollable laughing, frustrations, bliss, and sunshine, I've filled my reservoir, for whatever the good man upstairs has in store for me I guess. Thanks to Mark and Shari who entertained and took care of not only me but my friends too. You just don't find better people. As the trip ended and we pulled into COLD cache valley as much as I dreaded "real" life, my chipper over powering side got a hold of me and it feels good to be back in the saddle facing real life and I'm excited to face the challenges with a newly found or enlightened paradigm.

Beneath the Surface

I have spent the last little while doing something that is very dangerous and should never be done, and that is comparing. Sometimes my life feels like it is falling to shambles and I literally do not know how to fix it, or sometimes even lack the will power. Then I look around me and see all these people.... and it seems like they have everything all figured out. Now I know that this can't be true for who honestly has everything figured out, I would dare say almost no one. This leads me to a very important discovery, something I may have even known all along, "On the surface the duck seems so calm and serene, gliding so peacefully, but underneath it is paddling like hell." This answers my question, that only through what happens beneath the surface do we ever get anywhere at all. This analogy has another connection to my life right now. When I think of the delicacy of a duck, I literally can see in my minds eye the wetlands of yes....Young Ward, Utah. There lies a pond and on a calm day there can sometimes be found a duck or two on the exterior. As it struggles beneath the surface it's body is thrust forward. The imagery of a duck swimming also leaves another imprint, I can foresee the ripples left behind from all the paddling underneath. For a moment the glassy surface is disturbed.... but there are two gifts bestowed. One is the duck's exertion propels him forward so he is not stagnant. Two the stream or corridor that is left behind that can be followed. I often think "if I can do this right maybe... just maybe I'll be an example to someone around me that may be watching." The reason I know this is because I have been "watching" and forming ideas, opinions and beliefs my whole life. Family is so important. I have observed my brothers and sisters all my life, and I have seen them struggle but most importantly I have seen them be victorious in everything they do. I guess what I'm getting to is that I only can hope that I can follow the ripples they have left behind but also create new ones that can be followed by someone else in need. So thanks for allowing me to see the struggles and grief beneath the surface so I could appreciate where you are today and where I will be someday.