Temorary Insanity

Well in efforts to keep you all updated on my life and because of special requests, here comes another post for ya. LIFE IS GOOD! Attitude is one of THE most powerful things in life. If I sit and think of all the hard, sad things yeah I'll be depressed....but the song "count your many blessings name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done" lately has occupied my mind. I guess what I'm getting to is super painful but at the same time not.

The "boy" as I'm sure you all have called him (lets be honest Brent still doesn't know the names of all Kim's kids) and I called it quites last week. After awhile of dating it always gets to the point where it goes one way or another. I think there are very few things that are more painful than leaving someone important behind, but people do it everyday and survive quite nicely. But I personally don't ever want to do it again. ha ha I have decided that it must be some what like giving birth....wait for it.... you see I'm sure the pain is incredibly taxing, stressful, and excruciating in the moment, and yet for some reason most people have more than one child, the crazy ones have quite a few more than one. People we must not forget the pain! ha ha I'm just kidding, I know the real reason for the sacrifice is the little mutt itself and how cute they are. It seems like the pain resonates for awhile and helps you really get back to your source of strength and then your ready to move on.

With hard times come so many tender mercies for example my favorite one so far.... the night we called it quites it was a Sunday and I went back to mom and dad's house. Naturally in Sunday gathering tradition, Kim and Lee were there. I had of COURSE shed some tears and, Lee being one of the more sensitive people I know said, "Angie listen....your day has been nothing compared to mine, the pain you are feeling is nothing compared to the feeling that has plaged me all day, you see today I got not one but TWO more families to home teach." You may ask, What? a tender mercy? how? In response to Lee's, some what inconsiderate, insensitive comment, I laugh so hard it made me cry (ironic I know) and was just the ticket to feeling better! So thanks Lee for "understanding" and I wish you all the luck with your home teaching assignment.

I guess what I've learned lately is that life is what you make it. I was talking to Dave the other night on the phone and I was telling him how much I hated dating and how painful it was . . . is . . .will be. Dave got a little passionate when I said this and corrected my misconception of dating by saying it's not miserable it's just "temporary insanity." (Not quite sure what that says about Dave himself considering the fact that he didn't get married till he was thirty) Regardless I have decided to adopt this and I don't hate dating, I'm just temporarily insane and enjoying every second of it!

Highs and Lows of the XM SHUFFLE

For Spring Break 2008 me, Tara, and Natalie....literally last minute decided to hop in the car an leave the forsaken land of cache valley! It was a VERY much needed BREAK for all of us. To say the least we just needed to fill our reservoirs, and the only way to do that sometimes is to leave the monotonous, tedious everyday doings.... so CALI here we COME!!! Well like any good road trip it is pretty much all about the music....because lets be honest if you talk the whole way you'll just end up being sick of the person by the end, just ask dad (my younger years I didn't quite comprehend this concept.) We had the music department covered, ipods, CD's and of course the golden calf of road trips...this being the coveted XM radio, which is sure to please all sorts of divers listeners. It is funny how music can express exactly how you feel better than you ever could yourself. Lets just say that for all of you that have seen Tommy Boy and the road trip scene where Tommy and Richard are driving down the freeway sobbing to the Carpenters....pretty perfect vision of us. The shuffle included anything from the mo-tab to any boy band you could possible think of to Fergi, all part of the journey. Well our friend XM has had his day and now I never want to listed to music ever again because after 20 hours I'm all "musiced" out. Looks like I'll be heading over to Kims for another self help book on CD! There is one other thing that I love about road trips and that is looking in the rearveiw mirror and leaving it all behind, getting out on the road and being left in a vast expanse of nothing but your thoughts and maybe and interjecting lyric or two but for the most of the trip your left in the solitude of "you-ness" Well Spring break was a blast and among the tears, fears, uncontrollable laughing, frustrations, bliss, and sunshine, I've filled my reservoir, for whatever the good man upstairs has in store for me I guess. Thanks to Mark and Shari who entertained and took care of not only me but my friends too. You just don't find better people. As the trip ended and we pulled into COLD cache valley as much as I dreaded "real" life, my chipper over powering side got a hold of me and it feels good to be back in the saddle facing real life and I'm excited to face the challenges with a newly found or enlightened paradigm.

Beneath the Surface

I have spent the last little while doing something that is very dangerous and should never be done, and that is comparing. Sometimes my life feels like it is falling to shambles and I literally do not know how to fix it, or sometimes even lack the will power. Then I look around me and see all these people.... and it seems like they have everything all figured out. Now I know that this can't be true for who honestly has everything figured out, I would dare say almost no one. This leads me to a very important discovery, something I may have even known all along, "On the surface the duck seems so calm and serene, gliding so peacefully, but underneath it is paddling like hell." This answers my question, that only through what happens beneath the surface do we ever get anywhere at all. This analogy has another connection to my life right now. When I think of the delicacy of a duck, I literally can see in my minds eye the wetlands of yes....Young Ward, Utah. There lies a pond and on a calm day there can sometimes be found a duck or two on the exterior. As it struggles beneath the surface it's body is thrust forward. The imagery of a duck swimming also leaves another imprint, I can foresee the ripples left behind from all the paddling underneath. For a moment the glassy surface is disturbed.... but there are two gifts bestowed. One is the duck's exertion propels him forward so he is not stagnant. Two the stream or corridor that is left behind that can be followed. I often think "if I can do this right maybe... just maybe I'll be an example to someone around me that may be watching." The reason I know this is because I have been "watching" and forming ideas, opinions and beliefs my whole life. Family is so important. I have observed my brothers and sisters all my life, and I have seen them struggle but most importantly I have seen them be victorious in everything they do. I guess what I'm getting to is that I only can hope that I can follow the ripples they have left behind but also create new ones that can be followed by someone else in need. So thanks for allowing me to see the struggles and grief beneath the surface so I could appreciate where you are today and where I will be someday.